Voyages near and afar

37 days have passed since the last post. I am tired, nervous, anxious, happy, stressed out, and oddly ready for what is to come. On Monday, I fly out to see family I have not seen in a decade and a half. I left that state with hopes of never living there again, but my complete lack of family pride has left me with an ache I feel every time I see their pictures. On Monday, I land in the arms of that family and mend the gap, if even for just a few days.

Another moment in time.

The tree shook and an apple fell down, hitting Isaac Newton on the head and giving Eve something of a life-changing event. It seems, regardless of how we prepare, events fall into our lives like that apple; they help us get inspired, show us the darker sides of our natures, help teach us knew ways of finding hope, and eliminate that contemplative state (poor Mr. Newton). Recently, my friend and landlord has decided to default on his mortgage which places me in a position where I have to find a new place to live as quickly as possible. Rather than seeing this apple as a bomb, leaving casualties and destruction, I see it as path I get to travel to find a new destination inside. Step by step, I will learn from this discordant fruit and make fruit salad as I go. I'm just glad there are no metaphoric pineapples out there with my name on them.

The Looking Glass

Philosophy has a tendency to cause some people to re-examine themselves and their perspectives. I am one of those people who take the time to put the ant of their lives under the magnifying glass with a wicked chuckle. *I* as it is often said has been the one pronoun to cause the most problems. How many hours spent saying "*I* need to be more_____" or "*I* could have done that better" or "*I* know this better than they do." Does existence require the use of *I* in defining the world? Was Sartre right in saying existence precedes essence? Was Descartes on target when he said "I think therefore I am?" Both of those statements require the pronoun *I*, but can a day be spent without using it? What kind of perspective would ensue? In Buddhism, the concept of *I* or the ego is that which is what holds a person to the material world; perhaps Buddha was right...perhaps he wasn't. The pride, the selfish anxiety, the arrogance of belief or zeal all seem to lose any force without the infamous *I*. It may not be possible to lose that sense of self completely...but *I* am willing to give it a spin for one day.

Humanity...should there be exceptions?

I just watched an interview of the US Attorney General and found myself greatly disturbed. He was answering questions about Miranda rights being read to people brought in under suspicion of terrorist activity and how that did not deter them from answering questions. (remember the "anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" clause) The attorney general is moving to have the laws regarding interrogation changed to reflect a "public threat" clause which would broaden the rights of interrogators if someone is suspected of terrorist activity, being linked to terrorist activity, or in any way plotting terrorist activity. This means if someone under those conditions who can be seen as "public threat" ie. able to do mass amounts of damage to the public or with information regarding that activity was brought in for questioning, the amount of force behind the interrogation could be greater than let's say if this guy was part of a child slave smuggling ring. Not only are we distinguishing the level of the crime based upon threat to numbers but also based upon global political arenas. is our government more shocked by a car bomb than perhaps 5000 children stolen for sex slaves? Does it make the child slave ring smuggler any more human than any man or woman accused of involvement with terrorist plots? Will this kind of law excuse some of the blatant racism that occurs when people of Arabic descent come to our country, or live in our country? We have profiling that occurs now that places anyone with a Muslim or middle-eastern last name under some sort of minor surveillance, either through the public eye or otherwise. This sort of law would build more hostility between the American government and its own people, not to mention the people of countries who end up being profiled along these lines. I am not saying that I agree with terrorism, but we should not change the rules of how we treat ANY human being under constitutional law. Those basic human rights, those inalienable human rights are why we have this country in the first place. The less human we treat anyone for ANY reason, the less human we become ourselves.

Wet behind the ears

It's Monday morning, and the rain is falling steadily. The air is warm and I can hear the steady rhythm of the runoff from roofs and leaves. The sounds remind me of the piece nicknamed "raindrops" by Frederick Chopin. Like any student before a final exam, I should be nervous, anxious, and cramming vital bits of information into my brain like those last socks into an overstuffed suitcase. I am tranquil; my heart is at peace and comfortable with the place where I am.
I spent a great deal of time wondering where and how I could find this internal sense. In my earliest adult years, it felt like anxiety and hope for things that were beyond my control dominated any possibility of building a serenity garden in the soul. I know many people seek this sense when they go for a spiritual journey: in church, in pilgrimage, through playing music, sculpting, painting, writing, teaching, exercising, and so on. I am glad to see that I can find this sense with something as simple as rain and a few quiet moments. Serenity isn't something anything else can give me; I have to reach out for it wherever and whenever I am to touch that inner "serenity garden" and find the sense of the moment. I saw the movie Avatar last night. It is a very well written film that borrows elements from other movies: the Matrix series, Dances with Wolves, the Lion King, and many others. The primary themes in the movie are: colonization and dominance of the other, humanity against nature, and my favorite: the inter-connectivity of all things. I recommend to anyone who likes a brief examination of the world through CGI-madness that they should see this film.

The copperhead story

When I was 8 years old, I lived in a 2 story white house with blue shutters in a suburb near Washington, D.C.. We lived right next door to a park with a creek, a bike/jogging path, some gorgeous woods, and a small play area. One afternoon, I was walking down the path and saw my brother and his friend with pellet guns on rocks in the creek. Their heads darted to and fro looking for targets. Curious, I stepped onto a stone in the creek nearby and asked what they were hunting. My brother whirled to look at me, pointing the gun at my legs saying "don't move an inch." I heard a quick "pfft" sound of a pellet firing and striking something by my feet with a splash that followed. "That was a baby copperhead, now get out of here before you get bit."
I left the creek and lingered at the park nearby, waiting for them to finish so I could see their trophy kills.
After they had gone, I went to the creek and saw the prize...a full grown copperhead dead in the water. I looked at it for a few moments and gazed back at the jogging path. I pulled a stick off the ground nearby and fished out the corpse of the fallen serpent, dragging it to the jogging path. It took a few minutes to position it perfectly with the stick as I was still afraid to touch it even though it was no longer of this world. I hid behind a nearby stump and waited.....
As a jogger approached, I made a quiet hissing sound and saw the wide eyed victim of my prank bolt away from the snake. I laughed so hard my sides began to hurt. Looking back, I realize the cruelty of using fear as a joke with someone, but it was so damned funny at the time through the eyes of an 8 year old.
Now, I think about what does make us laugh and at whose expense. Sometimes, what seems funny is just someone else's pain. Laughter in delight is pure joy, but laughter at pain, misery, or fear just helps us perpetuate it.

Life goes on and on and on and on

In a strange turn of events, the moments of our lives can frequently be defined as 1) What just happened? 2) How do I deal with it? 3) What is about to happen next? So in the course of my childhood, I spent dwelling on number 1. Most of my teenage years seemed to linger between 1 and 2. I made the mistake of assuming I should focus on number 3 for many years of my adulthood. Now all that seems to matter is maintaining a constant state of number 2 so that number 1 and number 3 don't get in the way. Buddhism treats this idea of number 2 as a sense of "Nowness" which means living in the moments that come and adapting to them as readily as possible without dwelling on the moments passed or those ahead. Keeping this idea in the vein of hope, I think i can maintain sanity regardless of what events transpire.
Is it so horrendous that future plans vanish due to tragedy of fortune? We as a species have learned to adapt to a wide variety of disasters and achievements. So then, why worry that your phone bill keeps you from going to that really cool cabin in the woods? Why worry about what COULD happen in a relationship when making the relationship itself a significant part of your lives is more fun?

Hope

I have thought a great deal about this word lately: hope. What does it really apply to? Some things probably deserve the idea of hope more than others. Is it hope to wonder if you are gonna get to the fast-food drive thru just in time for that last serving of breakfast? That nice hot sausage and egg sandwich probably will be there regardless. I really believe hope is more of that dragging through the dirt, bleeding wounds of the soul, staggering in agonized steps looking to know you WILL see better days. In talking with someone who has lost her child shortly after birth, I realized how important hope really is. This person lost a very beautiful baby boy, but afterwords told me that they plan to have another child. THAT gaze ahead despite such a terrible loss is hope.
I know someone else whose mother is undergoing chemotherapy treatment for cancer. Despite how down her mother gets, regardless of how afraid she is for her mother, she holds to the devoted understanding that her mother needs the support of anyone who can reach out to her to keep the flames of hope burning. That support is another kind of hope that not only lies within those who face these challenges, but also is shared by those close to them. Hope isn't something a person should have by themselves, but that they should stand with as many other people around them who share the same vision and rise above their adversity together. This emotion is one of the qualities that separates the real people from those who fear loss so much, they already see themselves or whatever they cling to as lost.